neverending

this has been one of the longest weeks ever. i cannot believe it's only thursday. fuck. what i wouldn't give for a coma right now.

work has really blown this week. i had a nice long weekend and then i came back to probation. i've been put on fucking probation. for adherence no less. someone somewhere above hates me. is it not enough that i'm there? am i in junior high? so what that i don't stick to my schedule close enough, it's not like i killed someone. sheesh fuckers. probation. pffft.

i mean, that really isn't helping, people. i am already deep in the funk with that place and the idea that i'm now in trouble for something worthless has damned near bottomed me out.

i'm just so blinking frustrated with the whole situation that i don't know wether to shit or go blind half the time i'm there. i get confused and my back hurts for no reason. it's giving me cancer or something, i just know it.

yeah, so i guess the problem is mostly that i thought i was doing relatively well and then it all came to a screeching halt. i now know i suck.

my stats are bad and i can't figure out why. all of the people i was hired on with have gone through extra training for other lines of business and because i went on vacation i missed it, so i'm just hanging out in limbo land. i can't get the amount of calls i need to get ahead, which means i'm not making my revenue, and that directly affects everything else.

i've taken about 5 steps backward in my understanding of things as well and i don't know how the hell that happened. i think i've lost my mind. maybe it's all been a bad dream. please let wake up soon and find out i've won the lottery and never have to work again. *snort* yeah.

anyway, i'm stressed out about it all, and i know that directly effects the way i am at home.

i'm just tired all the time, my stomach is in knots, and i just don't want to be messed with.

i'm not a lot of fun these days, and i pity my boys.

i want this winter to be over. i just want some fresh breezes and sunny skies. something's gotta give, cukes.

really.

oh, and by the way, i really hate this layout. it's sooo dark and just not very interesting. i love that picture but it doesn't make up for the rest of the page. so i've got some redesigning to do. whohoooo.

moving on...

been watching lots of movies lately.
if i can make one small suggeestion... stay far far away from "house of the dead". don't even waste the time or money on that piece of shit. no one i know has had the stupidity or bravery to watch it longer than 30 minutes. it's absolutely horrendously bad. terrible. fucking crap. monkey crap, no less. trust me on this.
other than that, valentine's day was ok. i got flowers and a lovely dinner out with my boys and it was nice. it was nice to get flowers and a dinner, but i don't think v-day is really something all that exciting. maybe it's because the hub is the least romantic and un-sentimental person i know, but it just isn't all the commercials would have you believe. it's more or less another day, even if it is a good excuse to eat lots of chocolate.

but, i will say this, babyj was so excited by all the goings on- cookies, cards, parties at school- that he nearly puked a few times. i'm fairly positive he did actually shit himself, but those skidmarks could just be another sign of his inability to wipe himself.
anywho, i think he asked everyone he saw if they'd be his 'vawentimes'. could he get any cuter? awwwww. he could, just wait.

the best part was when, in all sincerety and earnest, he asked me if i would marry him.
*sniff*
i mean, i guess i've had someone ask me that before, obviously, but this was heart-melting. i could have bitten off his ear and ate it he was so yummy. but i didn't. i mean, imagine how much teasing he'd get. he'd be a freak. well, he probably will be anyway, but i don't want to add to his destiny.
anyway, i'll just say that the proposal totally made my weekend.

i just wish it had carried over into the week. the week that will never end.

*sigh*

ok i'm outtie. be good cukes.

-pops

seeds - bloom