it's no wonder people dont' read me when i blather on like this.

my emotions are all over the place lately. i feel a little overwhelmed at times, and sad all the rest.

i think i go through periods like this every year or so and i never know when i'll snap out of them. it's hard to know when it will go away when i can't even pinpoint why i feel this way. sometimes i can't even tell you exactly how i'm feeling.

i know that i tend to bottle things up, let things slide alot, but this time i am really not sure what is going on. i think it's hormonal this time. i'm blaming it all on mother nature.

for one, i've got the baby lust again. someone we know just had a baby. miss squintysquint in the next cube at work just found out she's pregnant. and i've just got the urge.

but it's not happening. nothing i've tried is helping. i even bought an ovulation monitor, and i was using it the best i could figure out. i mean i think i peed on the right end.

don't look at me like that. that shit is complicated. the instructions were all charts and stand on your head and lick a chicken. i guess i didn't figure it out in time because, bam i got my "visitor" before i knew what was happening.

so maybe it's not meant to be. perhaps this is a message that i'll have my hands full with babyj and so i should just save all my energy for him. or maybe my body is just crap. like i said- mother nature. she's a bitch you know. but i didn't say that.

the next problem is work. i've actually felt myself drop right off the ledge there. i didn't mind going to work, it was alright- but suddenly it hit me that i didn't couldn't stand it. i don't know if it was one certain thing or just everything. i would have rather used my own eyeball as a pincushion than put my fucking headset on one more time. so i played hooky for a couple of days. i hope that the nice little holiday weekend watching oprah was enough to get me to be ok on monday. i just hope i don't get fired for trying to save my mental health.

other than that, the hub and i have been having little tiffs lately. i couldn't really say over what. most of the time it's just been because we're both in bad moods about something and it just goes too far. as a result we've both been feeling down and surly. i'd like to chalk it up to post-vacation let down. or, even tho i know it's a cliche, the winter weather.

all i know is i hope we all snap out of it soon. i'm sick of feeling so yucky. and on top of everything,i'm tired. i could sleep all day but it wouldn't help. and my pillow is so crap it gives me a migraine every morning.

fuck. could i complain anymore?

so it's the big valentine week, cukes. i'm not so naive to think that i'll be getting anthing special for it, but i wish you something sparkly. have a good one... i'm outtie.

-pops

seeds - bloom