hands touching hands

so the events of the weekend led me to wonder what on earth would posses 5 grown men to dress up like neil diamond and tour the country singing his songs? are there other things out there in real life that i believed only happen in bad romantic comedies?

and bigger yet, is it really true what ani difranco says "art may imitate life but life imitates tv."?

oh the horror.

so this weekend i went to the big city and saw a concert. yes, not only did i leave the house, but i also socialized. and who was the artist on the bill? a group called Super Diamond. yes. as in neil diamond. as in, the entire first paragraph actually happened and was not a figment on my imagination.

but i have to tell you that i quite enjoyed myself. mmm-hmmm. don't look at me like that. there's no shame in liking neil diamond. i dare you to sit through the entire song "sweet caroline" and not smile just a little bit. not sing along with flourish. oh no, it cannot be done. it's just too good.

now, that's not to say that i'm completely mad over the sequinned man-of-velvet, at least, not like the couple we went to the concert with. a seemingly normal couple who turned out to have a neil diamond fetish. knew all the words to every song. had stories from their relationship of serenades in port-o-potties of 'money talks'. they even have a dog named 'shiloh'. so it seemed of little surprised that they'd also have ties to the mafia. really at that point anything was possible.

anyway, a good time was had by all, and we made our way home shortly after 3am sunday morning. so you can guess how happy i was to be woken up at what seemed like the crack of dawn by a child babbling on about the easter bunny. it took all the strength i had not to tell the boy the easter bunny didn't fucking exist and to go back to his own room. i figured that childhood is supposed to be a happy time and i should wait a few more years before i crushed every hope the child had.

i'm such a good mother. heh.

the rest of the day was spent moping and yawning and getting shit done for the upcoming week.

today, there isn't much to tell you. a lot of talk about surgery and vacations and how little time there really is in life. may looks to be like a scary and stressful month, and i'm not looking forward to it at all.

the docs say that it will take about a month for the hub to recover from his surgery, and that if we have to travel we should do it first. trouble is it needs to be done now and we don't have the money. pffft.

i'd rather not think about it. the hub is nervous and worried enough about it that i don't really need to be either.

the poor guy is really down, scared i think too, about what's going to happen and how it will make him feel. on top of that he's disappointed and angry that i'm completely useless.

see there's something wrong with me. whenever anything medical comes up, something inside of me shuts down.

maybe it's from growing up in a medical household, maybe it's from working in the medical field myself, maybe i'm just unfeeling, or maybe i just try to ignore what i can't deal with.

when something bad happens, a medical emergency or whatever, i become super calm. i try to think it out, i just wait and see. it's weird i know. anyone can tell me about their health stuff and i just listen and say ok. i don't feel bad, i just take it in. maybe i was meant to be a doctor. i don't know.

but i don't like it. i am worried about the hub, but it's too big to think about. i have scary thoughts about the bad things that can happen. i think about all the things to do when he gets home and how to take care of him. i just cannot think about the actual procedure or the pain and discomfort. nope can't do it. i always just know (hope) it will be ok, routine, get back to normal.

i know this makes me sound horrible, hard-hearted, but i don't even know where to start to change it.

hmmmm....

yeah. i'm going. i don't know why i started talking about this, and it's probably best if i stop.

-pops

seeds - bloom